Proof I think too much.

I think to much, that's for damn sure, and I think too much about the sex lives of fictional characters because, well, it's fun. Few times now the lovely sintari and I have devoted what many people would probably consider too much time and energy to discussing the sexual future of the Naruto characters. For some reason, the fact that the majority of the cast is twelve makes this sort of interesting--probably because that fact meanst that there's really nothing canon to say how they'll develope. Yes, some characters have crushes here and there at that age, but that doesn't mean that they end up there. I mean, hell, at that point, most people are just starting to figure stuff out, so things can change drastically.

Anyway, while some of our fangirling has led to strange, off the cuff jokes that involve a crabs epidemic among the youth of Kohona, some of it has been at least somewhat more serious.

Now, both of us are yaoi fans, and both of us can get behind the Naruto/Sasuke pairing. However, we were talking, and neither of us saw these boys getting together all young and virginal. In fact, neither of us could picture them being innocent and untried very long. I mean, look at them, they're all bad boy and stuff. And good looking. Naruto is friendly, and at twelve, half the girls in town want in Sasuke's pants (apparently they are too young to have a highly developed gaydar at that age).

Last night, we once again opened up our thoughts on Naruto's sexlife, and created the Bicycle Naruto theory. For those who miss the allusion there, the longer name is "The Naruto as the Village Bicycle theory." Basically, it comes from the fact that I think our favorite little boy with a nine-tailed fox demon sealed in him will be a favorite of Kohona's women. Especially the older ones, but the younger aren't left out here, either. Not that I'm saying there couldn't be men in his little black book too, Heaven forefend. But definitely women.

See, Kohona seems rather regimented and narrow-minded about some things. Not like a bad place all together, but the family politics of the advanced bloodlines inparticular show a certain old-worldness, and good of the family attitudes. I think it would not be surprising, under the circumstances, if people married for reasons that weren't entirely romantic and passionate. Or, at the very least, if good matches were encouraged based on family.

What's more, the casuality rate among ninjas must be high. It's a dangerous profession. So I imagine that people remarrying isn't uncommon.

Add to that the fact that missions would have a portion of the population always coming and going, and, well, it seemed to sintari and I that having affairs probably wouldn't be uncommon. Somehow, that just made sense to us.

No, that's not really a strong argument. I took logic. I realize that. But if you can accept that premise, we now advance into the theory proper.

Naruto is ideal for a fling. First--at first anyway--he'd be young. Second, the girl's his age's parents would seriously disapprove. If he didn't get laid once on that fact alone, I'd be surprised. But (and here's where we get weird) mostly, he's practically consequense free. He's not the kind of boy you marry. He doesn't have a living family. He wants to be Hokage, but that doesn't mean he has prospects. He knows he's not the kind of boy you marry. I think it's reasonable to assume that as he gets older, he'll realize that he's not really in a position to pursue a committed relationship in the world he lives in. So he knows he's not really marriageable.

For women who just want a good time, he's perfect. I can see him being, essentially, a guilt free hook up. As long as you don't get caught, there's no negative repercussions.

Now, it's definitely possible that both of us liked this idea because it's rather pervy, and isn't the normal fanfic cliche. You know, the idea of older women taking advantage of a handsome younger man has a certain appeal.

I'm not saying everyone would really sleep with him. Yeah, for some people, sleeping with Naruto would be like sleeping with a demon, and they wouldn't be able to do it. But for others, it's not sleeping with a demon, it's taking advantage of one. That's something else. He's not relationship material, and that's part of the point.

Have I proved we're warped yet?

Ah well. Next time, I'll explain why Naruto hooks up more often than Sasuke. ;)